I’m founding a new international non-governmental organization (NGO): Haikus Without Borders

I call this piece, Haiku for Tara

Our Humboldt princess
Both humble and bold, prefers
Well drinks, not top shelf


And so the Haiku program is inaugurated. I was trying to work in there something about body shots, but alas, my haiku skills are sadly limited. I imagine after a hundred of these things I might get somewhat better. Although its probably just as likely that I will get even worse. As some instructor in the past told me: perfect practice makes perfect, while crappy practice just sucks. He probably phrased it differently but that is the gist of it.

But today I want to touch on a subject dear to all of us: MONEY!!!! It makes the world go round. It sweetens your coffee. It buys love. Its pretty much the coolest thing ever invented.

Obviously I am being facetious, but, when you are a funemployed freelancer, money does become more of an issue. And not just in regards to how to spend the mountains of cash that you make from writing stupid articles, playing poker, and filling out idiotic surveys. Oh no. Money, if you can believe it Dear Readers, is in short supply! It doesn’t grow on trees you know. It is in fact printed on huge printing presses. And those are expensive! So I have to MAKE enough money to buy a huge printing press. Then we are home free. Until then, I continue to write stupid articles, play poker, and fill out stupidly idiotic surveys about whether I am the Hulk or Superman (which should be obvious).

So far the most lucrative of my online schemes- I mean endeavors, has been poker. At any one moment there are millions of dollars on the tables at any one particular poker room. And most of it is owned by people who are seemingly locked away in mental institutions and have no need for money. That’s the image I get when I watch them play online: insane, rich, nothing else to do with it than give it away. All you have to do is position yourself in such away as the virtual chips move from their side of the table over to yours, then get deposited into your bank account.

But this is just part of why online poker is so lucrative. The other part is the incredible bonuses that all the sites offer to lure these insane rich people to play (aka give away their money). YOU can benefit huge from these bonuses. And you don’t even have to be a good poker player. All you have to do is be patient, smart, and careful. After that, it is just statistics and odds. And most of my friends are pretty good at statistics (for some reason I am again picturing you guys, Tara and Jordan).

And here is the BEST part: YOU, yes YOU- ALL OF YOU, can make ME money by making YOU money! That’s right! It works like this: I send you a referral to say, Full Tilt Poker. You deposit money, say $100. You play patiently, cautiously, and not like an insane lunatic sitting in a padded room with bags of cash, and you will make $100 in bonus money, PLUS whatever you win off the crazy maniac money bags (I guarantee you, the odds/statistics pay off in the long run- its just about being patient and cautious) And since you signed up via a referral that I sent you, I will ALSO be given a 100. Isn’t that great?

But seriously, I made $600 in bonuses from Full Tilt in under a month. Sadly, nobody had sent ME a referral to Full Tilt, so I didn’t win anybody else any money. I am prepared however, to make that sacrifice for ALL of my dear Readers, regardless of age, gender, drinking ability, or shoe size. Yes, I will send a referral to anybody who is at all interested in making scads of money (as well as making me scads of money…what is a scad anyways? What say you oh wise dictionary.com: 1. any carangid fish of the genus Decapterus, inhabiting tropical and subtropical shore waters. Hmm, that is not what I meant at all. Although I guess we could sell the fish. Oh wait, there’s another meaning - Informal. a great number or quantity: scads of money. There we go. Although if you prefer the fish you could always buy fish with the great quantity of cash you will have.) And if you are at all concerned about your ability to play online poker, I will spend as much time with you as you need (cuz I have scads) to get comfortable with it.

No pressure though. We have enough bread crusts and spam to last us a few more days.

:-)